What did it used to be like?
We used to have some kind of sex on a regular basis. A couple times a week. It was pretty outstanding. Sometimes I’d give, sometimes I’d receive, sometimes it was mutual, but there was something a couple times a week. We’d try different things, different places, toys, lube. It was great. And even when it would temporarily pause, it always picked back up. Morning blow jobs in the shower, foreplay and sex or handjobs if she was too tired, occasional blowjob on a saturday afternoon, titty fuck if she’s on her period. It was all good.
There was a point, I dunno, 7 or 8 years ago, when we even kicked around the idea of a FFM. We went out for dinner with a friend of hers, a friend who at the time was experimenting with women. In the car on the way home, my wife and her friend were grabbing each other tits. I’m driving, trying to not get in a wreck, and I’m thinking “Is tonight the night?” We get home, wife gets inside, demands a good night kiss from her friend. And I’m watching this, my wife tongue kiss another woman, thinking ‘what the fuck is happening’ trying to not too obviously hide my growing erection. Then the girl left with her ride. We had insane sex on the couch that night, her riding me, talking to me about how she was going to lick the girls pussy, how she was going to suck my balls while her friend rode my dick. One rule – I couldn’t cum in her. OK, no problem. (at the time, I hadn’t had a vasectomy yet.)
Around that same time we had been experimenting with anal, both me fucking her ass, and her sticking a finger in my ass while giving me head. I’ll never forget the night before she was going on a trip without me, and she whispered in my ear “Will you come upstairs and fuck me in the ass?” Absolutely, was my answer.
During most of this, we had kids. It wasn’t like kids made it all evaporate, as I hear happens with some couples. And then I don’t know what happened. We had another baby, unplanned, but no big deal. Sex became less and less frequent. When I brought up the FFM, she blew it off. When I tried to finger her ass, she’d pull away. When I’d try to put my dick in her ass she’d refuse. We’d get into bed, she’d turn her back to me, and as I’m rubbing her back, or rubbing my dick on her ass, she’d just lay there and do nothing, and then start snoring. It’s fine I guess, she doesn’t owe me anything, but it was such a drastic turn around. I don’t know what I said or did, and she never brought it up.
She does have some health problems which gives her bouts of extreme fatigue and screws up her sleep schedule. Functionally, however, she’s fine- all her gear works. We’re both a little overweight, I mean who isn’t in their middle-years? She thinks she’s getting into ‘the change’ and I’m not sure what that means for me long term. When she is ‘in the mood’ it’s usually pretty good. She’s responsive, and enjoys it, but it’s so infrequent by the time I’m in her pussy I don’t last long because I’m too wound up. She’s definitely kept up with her kegel exercises.
But now, the kids usually start getting to bed around 8, and by the time the three of them are all settled, which I help with so please don’t think I’m sitting on my ass while she does all the work, she lays down on the couch and falls asleep in minutes. The other night some TV show came on she didn’t want to watch. I was on the laptop so I don’t care what’s on, and while she’s flipping through the guide to find something, she literally falls asleep with the remote in her hand, and stuck on the guide screen. An hour later I finished what I was doing and we went to bed.
That’s a pretty common night. She wakes up earlier than me, so sure she’s going to get tired sooner. The disparity though is hard to manage and when we do get to bed and I start ‘bugging’ her with my advances I honestly feel bad to some degree because I know she’s tired. There’s only so many times I can jerk off in a week before I want something else.
I don’t know. Today is Saturday and we’ve been separated with different kids’ activities most of the day, but we’ll see if I can coax some attention out of her tonight. So what’s next? I don’t have interest in an affair. I like a girlfriend again, who I’d prefer to also be my wife.